27 August, 2009


i hate this city the way you hate medicine.
i've long since come around to the idea that being here is good for me, i'm not going to love Auckland or want to live here permanently like i did in SF, or even like it in the want-to-visit-every-other-month way that i love NYC, but i can see the way that this city is helping me shape my self, find new habits lose old insecurities and become a better me.
i've been doing more writing here, not much else to do when the internet sucks, i've started a journal and out of the almost 3 months i've been here i've only missed about 7 days. which is more then i imagined i would be able to do consistently. and i've been doing a lot of drawing in between those entries, some of it already featured on my facebook page (and more to come when i get them photographed). i'm even a bit worried that i might run out of the two moleskins i brought for journaling purposes (don't worry i will either use something else or put out a call if i need more). they aren't quite the amazing super pretty art-books that i want them to be but they are there and that is better then i've managed before i got here.
i've also started a new writing project. to be fair i have at least one old one that i could be refining but i'm not sure if i can give it the editing it needs yet (also i'm kind of over a lot of the feelings that inspired it and the sort of "marketing niche" it was semi-aiming for is kind of over). i'm keeping it a bit under wraps till i get at least half way done with it, and i don't know what i will do with it when its all the way done (it's scripts for what would be a webseries) but as i was working on it yesterday it was feeling really good and i miss that feeling. i have a lot of projects in my head, i get them on my long walks to work and i'm hoping that i can pull at least a few of them off and start down the path to developing an artistic career or at least a hobby that satisfies me. on top of the writing projects i have two mail based projects that i'm planning, one for you guys one for me and i have a stock pile of some art supplies that i hope to find ways to use.
i've become an early riser too, well at least for the last two weeks, my job starts early most days and because it takes me a bit of a walk to get there (and don't get me started on the bus) i'm up at 6:30-7:00 most days of the week. i've also been getting up for the gym but we're getting a head of ourselves on that one.
i'm slightly less socially awkward then i used to be! this is one of the big ones. being alone in a foreign country has kind of forced me to get better at this. i'm still no social magnet but i've developed a small circle of friends almost entirely on my own and i'm getting much better at the random interactions with other people that used to be really bad for me. the short conversations with strangers who will probably not become friends but are still people i can learn small things from. i'm also less terrified of the idea of people of authority yelling at me that made some more institutional interactions i've had in the past. i still could be better at this, i haven't found a bar i like enough to meet new people at and i still kind of hate calling people but i'm not going to sell short the progress i'm making. (also i kind of like that i hate calling people, i's a good quirk as long as i don't get to pathological about it.)
and lastly i've joined a gym, which is something i've wanted to do for a while. i don't have the goal of becoming a gym bunny or a muscle god but i know i could be both healthier and more sexy (i know that second one is hard to imagine but it's true). i've never been super concerned with my physical appearance, ok well that's not quite true, but i've never been what you would call "high-maintenance." it isn't my intention to become that either, but i've wanted to do good things for my body and get closer to the kind of sexy boy i want to date, now i don't have any absurd expectations about having a ripped six pack and pecs of steel but i have already noticed improvements and i feel really good about my body for the first time in a long time (public school did a number on my self esteem). to the point where i'm entered into an underwear contest next sunday! gaynz.com check it out.
these are just a few of the big changes i've been noticing that Auckland has in its weird way has been helping me with, there are more i'm sure other big ones and i'm sure a bunch of small ones. i'm hoping that all my time here is long enough to reinforce these great developments so that i can keep them up when i get back (i'm still not sure where i'm landing yet, that is a whole other blog post).

anyway, i need to go to bed i'm off to the gym tomorrow.

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